Theresa’s hairline sits roughly 2cm above her eyebrows on a good day.

Theresa Giudice, one of the shrillest and least ethically-sound members of of the Real Housewives of New Jersey cast, has today been sentenced to 15 months in Federal Prison for her role in her husband’s large-scale tax fraud. First of all, can someone please explain to me how her husband’s last name has been anglicized to being pronounced “Jew-dice” even though he’s technically not an American citizen and has been living here on a Green Card for like 40 years? Secondly, let’s all cross our fingers that Theresa’s alarmingly-low hairline will frighten her fellow inmates into believing that she’s part werewolf and they’ll leave her alone, at least every full moon. Good luck to you, Lupine Giudice. Good luck to you.