And Off to Prison Theresa Giudice Goes

Theresa's hairline sits roughly 2cm above her eyebrows on a good day.

Theresa’s hairline sits roughly 2cm above her eyebrows on a good day.

Theresa Giudice, one of the shrillest and least ethically-sound members of of the Real Housewives of New Jersey cast, has today been sentenced to 15 months in Federal Prison for her role in her husband’s large-scale tax fraud. First of all, can someone please explain to me how her husband’s last name has been anglicized to being pronounced “Jew-dice” even though he’s technically not an American citizen and has been living here on a Green Card for like 40 years? Secondly, let’s all cross our fingers that Theresa’s alarmingly-low hairline will frighten her fellow inmates into believing that she’s part werewolf and they’ll leave her alone, at least every full moon. Good luck to you, Lupine Giudice. Good luck to you.

X-treme Attachment Parenting on the 2 Train

Overgrown baby drawing

I sat across from a woman on the 2 train the other day whose 60 pound four-year-old was buckled into a harness that was slung across her chest. She produced a small pouch of juice from her Mary Poppins bag and proceeded to hold it up for him so he could drink from the straw without exerting literally any physical effort. Listen, lady – I’m all for being an involved parent, but damn – if your kid looks old enough to register for his PSATs and is physically developed enough to have a wet dream, he’s too old for you to be schlepping him around the city in a forward-facing papoose. And if you don’t even make him hold up his own 8 oz. juice, you’re going to have one shrunken, atrophied little college freshman on your hands (or chest, as the case may be) come college move-in day (in, like, 5 years).